After 2 years of Working on Myself — Here I am.
Working on yourself is a continuous process.
I can safely say I started working on myself by early 2021. Now, we are at the end of 2023, and right now, if I see where I am, I cannot relate to the person I was back then.
We often think working on ourselves means hitting the gym, getting the weight right, getting the food regime right, and hustling through work or business. Yes, that is a segment of working on yourself, but that’s not all.
So in my version, I wanted to get myself together, and the place I first started was at defining my ideal version. When I did that, I could see a drastic difference between where I wanted to be or how I wanted to be versus how I was.
I questioned myself a lot then.
I never wanted to be the person I am now. But how did I end up here? When I questioned the whole process, I came across many of my unintentional habits that I could identify. Since I am being transparent about my journey, a few of my destructive habits were:
- Overeating on junk food
- Eating out 7 to 10 times a week
- Procrastinating a lot and forgetting about whatever goals I had
- Being too lazy and having an extremely toxic superiority complex (I was wondering how I went from an inferiority complex in 2017 to a superiority complex in 2021)
- Being too angry and often furious when something doesn’t happen my way
- Expecting my views to be the only ones
- Looking down at myself and thinking all I deserve is this, and my wildest dreams belong just on Instagram and Pinterest, not in life
- Thinking everything is fate and nothing is manifestable
- Believing money and monetary goals are the ultimatum.
As I started dwelling deeper, I realised a core root — the one that has been super intimidating.
Scrolling mindlessly through socials:
Now, if you think this just wastes time,
NO. You are wrong!
The time that is spent here causes a significant shift in the thinking patterns.
In my case, consistent scrolling on socials led me to:
- Overthink based on Internet stories
- Comparing myself to a lot of anonymous strangers
- Continuously blaming my fortune and surroundings for not being the way THAT person has
Uff! It was a roller coaster.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I was neither broke nor unproductive. I was running a business and clocking in multiple six figures every month. So, if you think professional success changes all of personal development — you are wrong.
I have been professionally doing good right since 2019.
Now, let’s come back to the personal development journey. Now, I could see what went wrong and what the issue was.
But back then, my list looked something like this: (for the same issues)
- I am obese and not attractive
- I do not have the right conditions for my best life
- Everyone has the best except me
- When I make money, I will fix everything
If I could go back to meeting the Saranya I was at that time; I would really feel sorry for her. Because sometimes, it’s sad to see people having the best of everything and the highest potential but not seeing it. That was exactly who I was.
Fast forward to now, a lot of things happened. I did a lot of things and realized a lot, learned a lot, experienced a lot, and fast forward to today — if you ask me, have I mastered it all?
The answer is NO!
I am not there YET on my ideal version. But if you ask me if I will be there, YES! I sure as hell will be there.
So, what changed?
Firstly, my perspective!
Secondly — My core belief systems.
I first thought my environment had to change. Next, I evolved, and I felt my actions had to change. Next, I realized my intentions had to change. But later, at the final moment, I realized my perspective had to change first. And once that happens — it’s all in my mind.
The significant part is — these changes do not happen overnight. They happen slowly and steadily.
It’s a process, not an accomplishment. If you ask me if I have healed the negatives inside me — Yes! But 90%. I still feel angry, jealous, hurt, and hatred. But now I am in a stage where I don’t act from them.
If I am angry, I don’t speak when I am angry.
If I am jealous, I won’t take action when I am jealous.
And when I am hurt, I take a measure not to hurt others.
You know, I knew this all along. But it was only recently that I realized,
“Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% what I do with it”.
I tried a lot of experiments and failed along the way. But now, when I look back, I know why I failed every experiment. Not because I wasn’t doing it or I wasn’t doing it right. But because I was supposed to evolve from the failures. Not just take something and get it done.
I didn’t need a FIX. I needed a sustainable shift in my lifestyle and perception.
The Real Shift That Happened:
In my Workouts
If I should tell a few of my failures, I thought I had to workout to lose weight. But now I realize I have to workout to make my body flexible, to be more agile, to be healthy, and make my body feel at its best self. I learned strength training is the best way to train my body. But since I chose strength training for the wrong reasons, now I realize I don’t need external weights to force my body, but I can use the strength and muscles of my own body to train. This has been my best learning! Thanks to Fitwriter (Akshaya Balasubramaniam).
In my Recreation
I thought I could never dance, though I love to dance, but I always felt shy to get up and dance because of my inferiority complex and not-so-perfect body shape. But getting introduced to fitness and workouts, I came across Right Angle Fitness, who introduced me to Beledi, and later I learned I am naturally good at Belly Dance, and my body can move sooner than the ‘normal’.
In my Diet
After realizing the harmful effects of meat and dairy, I switched to a Vegan diet overnight. In this, I am proud of myself because a girl who failed to be consistent in almost everything managed to pull out a Full Vegan diet for 40 straight days on the first attempt.
But after that, I gave in due to excessive cravings. I mean, someone who has been eating seafood and meat and almost led a life of a consistent carnivore for 24 years cannot do it overnight, right? (My Dad still used to say my Mum fed me Boiled Fish right from when I was 7 Months old, Lol! Such was my connection with non-vegetarian food)
But now I realize it’s a balance. I am still trying to be vegan but occasionally eat non-vegetarian foods. I have balanced out the portions.
I felt I had to cut down on food or eliminate junk. But now I am focusing on best practices like portion control, a complete meal, and a balanced plate. A whole bunch of gratitude to Holistic DietDoctor (Deepika), whose view of simple, easy, and holistic food and cooking has shifted my perspective to a new level.
From my Spiritual Perspective:
Though I have covered most of the physical changes, there are a lot and a lot of inner work that has been done too. I learned a lot about spiritual and energetic realms — the teachings I learned from Happy Mom Hub (Ramya Sundar), the science of Human Design, my aura, the spiritual soul connection, why we live the life that we are currently leading, what’s our life’s purpose, etc. The book Many Lives Many Masters by Dr Brian Weiss has been an ultimate gift on this account. Every time I needed a nudge, I now have my notebook where I can go back to check the WHYs behind my every attitude and every action—special thanks to Osmarie Pico, my life coach, who has significantly changed my mindset.
My transformation into the person I am now happened when I tried a lot and failed but always got up again.
And you know, sometimes we need someone to give us a shoulder. But many times — these changes happen within you. All you need is guidance, a little comfort, and a little validation. And if you have them — you are responsible for this change.
All these people I mentioned above have played a vital role in my journey and helping me be who I am.
But the significant part is — they have all been there for a shorter time—a time when it was meant to be. There were days when I needed them so badly but could never connect with them due to schedules or their unavailability, or I missed it and so on.
All those times, I felt miserable, especially during my initial days when I was first introduced to the concepts of self-healing and inner work. I would feel turbulent, anxious, and almost as if the world shook.
But it’s too profound to say the best transformation within me happened in their absence when I had their guidance but not them—the power of being left alone to figure it out.
The point is life is not a business.
You don’t need a consultant to help you scale constantly. In business, it’s different; without a brain on top, things won’t go smoothly. But in your life — you are the brain. And the point is never to outsource it to someone else.
Never be dependent on someone or something.
On that note, I made a shift today, which made me write this article. After working out only with a coach for the past 2 years (whenever I did, and consistently inconsistent, sorry coaches! I let you down!), I worked out on my own today. Without a guide, without a trainer. I didn’t do much. It was a 40-min sprint. I warmed up, and did some cardio, core workouts, and stretches, finally cooling down.
But the confidence I developed and the trust I built in myself for the promises I kept by doing these — it’s phenomenal.
I know I will never let myself down, and this is the best thing that ever happened to me.
A hundred supporters would make you dependent.
But having no one on your side will make you highly independent, and that — is something you will never learn anywhere else other than in life.
And I am glad I learned and figured it out!
I hope you figure it out too :)
