Stop Crippling someone with your Words
There are just two languages in the world.
Fear & Love.
One that creates trauma and the other that heals it.
Over the period of years, we have witnessed both of these in our lives. But, what I realised is, we failed to clearly anticipate which one has a higher restriction on our ability to be US.
Note this, I didn’t say the ability to perform or ability to succeed. They come much later in life. I am speaking about the basic ability, the ability to function as a human and lead a very normal life.
Now, if normalcy doesn’t excite you let me tell you this.
Almost 35% of us are leading a normal life. Yes, 35% and the remaining 65% are somehow ruled by an impact of fear that they do not recognise as fear.
Read this till the end and ask yourself if you are in the minor 35% or in the major 65%
When you were born, you were a human being with neutral emotions. That was the only time when you have neutral emotions in your whole life. But, shortly within seconds of your birth, you tend to absorb the energy around you unintentionally.
From then, your receptors make you either comfortable or uncomfortable with your surroundings.
Okay, what were the voices you heard in the hospital?
“Cha, a Girl Child? Who would even want a girl child? I don’t even want to lift her”
“Why is the baby so dark? He looks weak, doesn’t he? How can a boy child be this weak? That’s why I told you to eat well”
“See the face, just like the mother. Could’ve been like the father. Would’ve been much better”
Or
“Awww, such a beautiful child. You must be so tired, you sleep I will take care of him”
“I Love you both soo much, I am glad I have you”
“Baby Girl, here come on — how sweet you look”
Difference?
In both of these cases, if you see the comments were addressed not just to the baby. But to the mother. This affects the mental and emotional state of the mother along with having a vibrational effect on the child.
And result?
You are familiar with a dog identifying human emotions and being there to soothe you right?
The baby feels it too.
During birth, it has neutral emotions. So it wouldn’t comfort the mother. But these emotions are what gets absorbed into the baby’s mind.
Following these incidents, more than 70% of subconscious wiring happens before you are 7 years old.
So let’s say the way they treat you in the house, the words you hear and more than the words — the emotions you face and deal with, form the basis for what you think about yourself.
So let’s say you were brought up listening to people say.
“NO. You shouldn’t do it. It's not good for you. It's dangerous”
“HOW CAN YOU DO THAT????? You should’ve asked me first. This is wrong. You are bad”
“Only listen to Me. Don’t listen to anyone else”
“Your Mom doesn’t know anything. You do what you want to do”
“I am you, Dad. You should only do what I tell you to”
If you see what all of these statements have in common, they remove the deciding power from you and put you in ‘do it as we say’ mode. This removes your individuality as a kid and shapes your personality from an alien point of view.
Now if you ask me, then how can you discipline a child, watch this:
“Do you know, sometimes it can hurt you and these are the dangers along the way if you do it. What is making you try to do that/go there? Can we do it more safely or can I come with you?”
“Since you are little now, you might find it hard to handle it yourself. See it hasn’t come out right/the vase broke. Now let’s do it this way. I will tell you how to do it.”
“Mom can tell you what is good for you, and since you are young others might not know what you like. So will you listen just to Mommy and not t strangers?”
“Dad can help you with this because Mom hasn’t done it before. So will you listen to Dad on this?”
“Since you might not know what would fit you, can we try something for you? If you don’t like it, we can do something else”
Now if you see it’s the same things communicated through different sets of words and emotions.
If you analyse the impact, the first one impacts fear on the child whereas the second one impacts Love.
Every other emotion is a subset of these.
If you feel sad right now hearing this, at that moment the child would have felt fear when listening to it.
That is why, in every scene of danger — you feel like, “I am done if my parents knew about this. I should end it silently.”
But do you know how dreaded it is to live a life where you cannot share what you are going through even with your own blood?
Now, if you say you do not have moments like this — let me tell you this.
It needn’t be this impactful. It needn’t be severe. The mildest one still matters.
And after years of going through similar patterns, when the child becomes an adult, the results start to manifest itself.
Let’s say you went through fear in your childhood.
You would still think soo many times before doing what you want to do. You will have thoughts of, is it good for me? will I be wrong? What will my parents say? Will they like it?
Or every decision you make would be limited by your subconscious wiring and you will never be able to do everything you want. The limits in your life will push you to a place where everyone tags you as ‘Normal’. But ask yourself,
“Is it Normal for you to not be able to do what you want to do?” isn’t that below normal?
This isn’t over yet.
Based on these impacts, you will now define the red flags and green flags of your relationship. Now, in every relationship of yours, you’ll either defend because you do not want to feel that way again or you will exhibit the same behaviour with someone else thereby repeating the cycle.
Now let’s go back to being in aspects of Love.
You would never flinch from going behind what you love, chasing the aspects of your dreams and fearlessly following your passion. People with tough childhoods do it too, but the time taken and the hesitation to overcome it has been huge. Here it isn’t.
And most of the time, you tend to be independent thinkers and believe in yourself. This creates higher confidence and harvests a better form of self-esteem.
The child in you would never be afraid to not be yourself. This manifests in your relationship as better communication and understanding of oneself and the other. In the meantime, you also develop respect for your feelings and for the emotions of others. This roots in the inner patterns of someone else valuing your feeling when you were young.
Fear manifests as cripleness, hesitation, lack of confidence and focus on the shadow self
While Love Manifests as abundance, confidence, higher self-esteem and joy of living.
Now let’s go back to the starters.
Since you now know the effects and the core root cause that causes it there are just two things we need to do.
- Understand why we react how we react emotionally. What is the impending root cause that has brought us here?
Trust me, the more aware we are wrt how we feel and why we feel that way, the better we respond to emotions and the better we handle people. This creates at least a conscious reasoning and gives us the power to behave the way we mindfully want to.
- Take steps to define what kind of human you want to be and ask yourself if your activities align you with that.
If it aligns great. You are on your own designated path. But if not, it's not too late. You can still be conscious of your words and actions and mindfully modify them to create a better ‘you’ that you are satisfied with.
It's one life.
All we have is that. And the whole purpose of life is to Value yourself, Value your relationships and bring peace, joy, and fulfilment to your soul and to those around you.
So take charge. Let’s not expect this change from someone else first.
The majority of them fail to do so, not because they don’t want to. But because they aren’t aware of it.
Lack of awareness is the first threat to human society. But that stops now since you are here with an intention to be better and I am here with an intention to share what I have learnt that can make you know better.
Now that you know the KNOWING, take action. Work from here. Work on yourself.
And once people see the best way you are being with them, step by step, day by day — they change too.
All the changes combine to create a ripple. A ripple of healthy relationships fuelled by Trust, Love and Respect.
The way every human deserves 😊
