The Loss that mattered the most
I never expected to return home to the loss of a loved one. As I went away for a 10-day trip to my Mom’s native land, I left a home here filled with happy souls enriching my everyday.
And as I returned, all I could get back to was — one soul lesser than the day I left.
Yes, I lost the favourite bird from my flock.
He was handicapped. But, never seen a better one.
To every birdling, he played the guardian, a father. A firm pillar that every little bird can lean on right from the minute they come out of the egg until they can take their wings on a flight.
He stood beside them. Every step of the way. Gave the necessary warmth and never let me touch the little ones. Despite trying hard to. He would jump, flutter his one wing multiple times and cry out aloud until I let them alone.
But now, he was gone.
Gone before I could even say goodbye.
Gone while I was away, gone while I never had an idea.
He was gone…
Maybe he knew I couldn’t process the pain of him leaving.
Because no matter how many pets I have buried, he was special.
And I hope he knows it…..
The Bird with One Wing
From the day he came home, he has been a guardian. You know, every time we buy pets, we get excited and as they come home, it's a most profound joy that takes over.
But with this, it was different. The time when I was buying birds, I insisted, I would be the one to catch them from the cage. We bought eight birds, out of which I caught six.
Among them, he was the one.
The bird with just one wing.
At first, I thought it was a mistake and that somehow it was underdeveloped or that he was in pain, so he could not spread his wings. But when I went back to the shop again, they confirmed that he was handicapped, and they proposed an exchange.
At that time, I felt a sense of humane emotion and said I would take him home. And that’s how he came home. Maybe I would say I felt pity for him and thought I could provide better care.
In our birdhouse, he was alone. Mostly alone and, I guess, lonely. All the other birds would be together, and he was separate. As if he never belonged. Birds usually be in pairs. But in his case, his pair left him and went to be with another pair of birds. I would feel a strong sense of loneliness within him. He would eat, be in his house, try hard to climb on the ladders and swing kept within and explore around. He was the most active bird in the flock. Constantly trying and trying again despite falling down so many times.
Ultimately, he did master climbing the ladder.
It's been months since we brought him home. And every time I hear chirping sounds, I can identify which is him.
He was the bird I carried, left on my desk, and had close to.
He couldn’t fly, so I never feared him going somewhere. He would be with me, a little calm, but every time — he was happy in his own pot within the birdhouse.
Today, as I write this — he is no more.
And I couldn't stop thinking, what will happen the next time a bird has an egg, the next time a baby comes out, who will play the big daddy? Who will play the guardian? Who will be there every step of the way?
And now, I have no bird I can carry, the one I can take with me without a fear of it flying away.
I feel a huge pit in my stomach as I write this.
All I think is — it's gone, he’s gone.
Before I could even get ready for it.
If I could write an eulogy for him, it would be this:
“The most imperfect one in the flock is the one that got most of my love. But you know what? your imperfection is what made you perfect. Though I have the perfect of every bird in the house, all I look for — is you. The imperfect little bird that had a perfect soul.”
And it got me thinking,
Maybe I should have loved it a little more. A little more enough to hold it closer, in a dearest way, having it with me.
And then I realised — it's okay.
Life without wings… for a bird…should have been tougher.
And whatever lesson the soul came in to learn, I believe it has learnt.
And now, it has left to a place where life would be much better.
With real wings to flutter and fly, to far-off lands and beautiful spaces, then just bird houses.
And there — it will sing the song. The chirping bird's song can guide everyone into a delightful paradise.
I Miss you, but you gave me a lesson:
Don’t take Love for granted. Because one day it will be no more than just a memory.
