The Silence of the Night

Emotional Flow of the Midnight Oil | Saranya Narayana Moorthy

I remember when I was a kid.

I hated the Nights! I would always think, ‘Why shouldn’t the night end within the blink of an eye? I just wanna go out and play.’

And when I was in my late Teens and early twenties, it was the opposite. I remember feeling the exact opposite. I just wanted the Nights to come sooner so that I didn’t have to face the days.

It was a disaster.

And today, as I write this, I remember one day standing on our balcony, seeing the distant street light and the drizzling rain on its ray of light.

It was 1:07 Am. The song was playing in my earphones,

Kaatril anneram
Kathaiyae veru kathai
Koottai maranthuvittu
Kuruvi kummiyadithathu kaan

Sottum mazhai sinthum
Antha sugathil nanaiyaamal
Ennai ettu ponavanai enni enni
Azhuthathu kaan azhuthathu kaan

It's a Tamil song by AR Rahman, which actually translates into:

‘That time, in the air — the story was different. Forgetting the nest, the sparrow sang its melody. And I was here, not letting me enjoy the little pleasures of life, spending my time crying over the girl who left me without a second thought.’

That song is a Poem ❤

But that day, as I listened to that song, I wasn’t the one feeling the emotions. But that’s the beauty of music. Isn’t it? It makes you dwell deeper even if you are not emotionally swallowed.

But it wasn’t just the music. But also its Alibi — the Night.

Ever since that night, until now -I have had a special emotion toward Nightfall.

The darkness that sweeps over, the one that causes our emotions to dribble, dance to chalk over, to let our consciousness come to a halt and let the superconscious take over.

Often I would wonder, ‘Is that why people sleep at night? So they don’t get swept by something that isn’t “happening’’ but is becoming so real?’

In my self-questioning, I am almost always met with the same set of answers, which led me to this assumption:

‘Nights are a catalyst.’

You know, in general — Nightfall doesn’t ‘create’ thoughts within you. It doesn’t manufacture thoughts. But it for sure adds texture to it. It makes it more lively.

If you have been working on a side project or something you would badly want to make happen, you might have realized that most of your best thoughts come at night.

Most of your miraculous innovations were sown as a seed before you sleep. Maybe even in your dreams. I always have this habit of keeping a notepad and a pen by my bedside. And many times, I have woken up to poems, ideas, and to-do lists that I don’t even remember writing. Those are just scribbles that were done in half-asleep mode.

And if you have been suffering through something, probably a heartbreak or a riveting financial position, you might see yourself wondering about the worst-case scenarios at night.

Have you ever wondered why?

When I discussed it with my friends about it, many confirmed this fact, and they just said, ‘That’s how Nights are.’ They even added about 2Ams being your most vulnerable point and 3 30 Ams being the most spiritually connected times.

And all those times, I wondered with exciting curiosity to discover,

What does the Night Hold within itself?

And you won’t trust me when I say this,

But in a totally candid conversation — I answered my own question.

Don’t expect REMARKABLE answers.

Another thing I learned on this journey is this: The most miraculous far-searched answers are the most simple ones.

And here is my Answer:

Its because The Night is Silent.

The day is loud. It's busy, people keep doing things, something is always HAPPENING, and even if you keep yourself locked up inside the room, you will still hear sounds. Not the noises, but real sounds.

So you always have a mind-believed pretext: It's the Day, and I am here. You become more aware of where you are; you become more aware of the people around you.

But on the other hand — Night is everything the day is not. Non-busy, no disturbance, and most importantly, if you aren’t in the center of the city streets, no one around you’s consciously awake. You are undisturbed and, in other words — Alone.

But There’s more to the Nights than the lack of human intervention, right?

Most certainly, there is. The lack of Solar Intervention.

Even in a sunny meadow with no humans in sight, the daytime is relaxing. Depending on the intensity of the Solar lights, it's a distribution between being soothingly warm or strikingly hot. But in some way or the other, the light particles spread warmth and not coldness.

But consider the Night — It's cold. It's dark. It's chilling.

And in the process, everything wouldn't provide you with the cozy warmth that daylight guarantees. So, slowly one day at a time, you slip in. You start feeling every little sign of distress. But there is an art of this darkness. Its Lighter. It's not the intense darkness that blinds you immediately. It's the midnight black that provides you with Vision while blinding your color contrasts. Thereby making you intensify anything you are experiencing.

Because now, you need to see logically how it is. But with ideas of how things ‘appear to be shaped up,’, your mind paints the pictures.

Do you see an Ice Cream? Your mind paints the flavors. You wouldn't know for sure until you tasted it. Do you see a banana? You wouldn't know if it's ripe. That’s the curse of black and white. You would never know HOW DEEP it is until you actually test the grounds yourself.

Now Apply the same to your Emotions:

You feel tired? Your mind has the ability to turn it into burnout.

You feel you are away from your friends? Your Nightshade can make you Lonely

You feel a bit of self doubt? Your mind would paint it as self criticism or insecurity

You feel something is bad? Your mind reels out 100 worst case scenarios as a 100hour marathon

But you know what? It's a double-edged sword. And that’s why I mentioned it as a catalyst.

Not only does it amplify negative emotions. It does the same to positive emotions as well.

Do you feel satisfied? You might probably fall asleep feeling Happy.

Feeling the accomplishment of work? Your Nightfall would make you feel like the most capable person.

Feel Loved? Your Night makes you feel Grateful

Feel like you enjoyed the day? Your night makes you feel like you have a Great Life.

So the path goes on and on. The power of Night, the undisturbed silence, would make your brain bonkers, amplifying every thought. Making every single instinct feel like a mega episode of your life. And thus, throwing you either through the roof or towards the wolves.

So do you have control over it?

Oh yeah! You surely do!

But I don’t think I am the right person to advise you on mental health. But you know what?

Changes start the moment you become AWARE and know exactly WHY YOU FEEL WHAT YOU FEEL. Because when you clearly know what is happening and why your thoughts get exaggerated, you stop feeding your hungry overthinking mind with more fuelled episodes. You discourage your intellect by providing a platform for debate.

And that’s when your Nightfall realizes the difference between drugs and sweet candies. Once you set a distinction between what to exaggerate and what not to, your brain sets aside the drugs and follows the sugar candies.

Thereby filling you with sweet memories and empowering dreams despite the everyday drama.

You can surely not be there on day 1. But trust me — Keep trying it and Keep analyzing your thought patterns.

One day, the Nightfall wouldn’t be a dreadful silence. But a silent Bliss.

Sweet Dreams,

$NM ❤

If you like this article, do follow me for more such posts. If you enjoyed this, hit me with a DM and give me a clap. Being a starter in this consistent journey of articles, every reaction lights a stream of lights in my soul, guiding me toward the end of the Tunnel with less darkness along the path.

Until we meet next time, I am glad to have you until the end of this article. I wish you all the Best and Happy Smiles!